I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
