I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
