drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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