Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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