i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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