I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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