You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
