Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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