i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
