dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
