Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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