Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
