Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize