the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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