planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
