he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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