i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
