All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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