Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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