The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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