I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
