she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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