After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
