my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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