woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
