You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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