this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
