I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize