Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my vagina is haunted
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
