i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
