i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Shitshow foam night was such a success
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
