I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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