Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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