Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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