Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize