Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
