Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
