Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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