she woke up with a sticky ear
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
