Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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