that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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