went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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