I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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