just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
