So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Pooping to opera.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
