If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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