No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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