is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
