its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
