so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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