I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
