Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
