Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
