I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
