He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just tell him i said nine months
handjob tips. give me some.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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