Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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