your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was like eating out sand paper
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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