I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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