It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
