I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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