Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
