dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
