I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
