Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
