i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
