There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
