Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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