we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
