I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
