What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
