I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
