she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
