It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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