oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
