im six kinds of drunk right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
