Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
