New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
