Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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