I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think a kid would responsible me up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
