remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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