I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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