There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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