please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
