My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
