Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
