my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize