it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I came so hard my ears popped.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
