guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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