More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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