he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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