Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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