Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
