apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
