i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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