dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
