R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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