Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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