Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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