She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
