Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
